Quite a few years ago now I went through a divorce. To say I was stressed was an understatement and I channeled that stress through working out and controlling what I ate. I suppose by definition I had a bit of an eating disorder and I lost a lot of weight.
The divorce was finalized and I continued with life. I moved out of the town where I had had easy access to a gym to a neighboring town and into an apartment. No easy access to a gym and my workouts stopped. You could say I did the opposite - no constant working out and not nearly as much time spent limiting what I ate. The obsession, it seemed, was over.
Unfortunately the inevitable happened and because I stopped the "healthier" living, I gained weight. But I told myself it was okay. My son loved my tummy and I used that as justification. Eventually I started dating a great guy (who I am marrying!) and I really started to settle into a comfortable life, which didn't help the weight again.
And through this all, my lack of fitness bothered me but I told myself it was okay to be heavier. It was obviously better than the alternative - obsessing over burned calories and being super restrictive with food. I used this to okay not truly getting healthy - no middle ground for me. It was all or nothing.
But now I am running. And I am feeling myself getting obsessed with it. I am currently training for a 5K, but in the process I have pushed myself to complete 4 virtual 5K run this month. I do listen to my body and slow down when I need to, but I have signed up for 24 races since starting my 5K program at the end of January.
11 - 5K runs
2 - 10K/Half Marathons
5 - 6K-9K runs
6 - distance runs
Of those I have completed four of the 5Ks and three of the distance runs (20+ miles). Granted the runs are all virtual so I can do them at my own pace and over several days when necessary.
Do you think I have a problem?
There's a game tonight about 2 hours or so away that I could be at. But I stayed home to do grad work and go running. I haven't run - I had Qdoba's instead. There went that calorie tracking for the day.
And grad work is, well, a work in progress.
The night is still young and it will all get done. I've gone as far as putting my pjs on, but I am not ruling out going to the Y yet tonight...the perks of having a 24 hour gym. Gotta love the accessibility.
And...quite a bit of time has passed and I will not be going anywhere. I am still trying to work on my grad homework and I feel like I am treading water...my mind is all over the place. Basketball (our girls' first game of playoffs), helping team members solve problems, shopping for a coworker's birthday, grad work, chasing the dog, trying to figure out what needs to be done when...you get the picture.
Am I the poster child of being present and mindful or what? Dear lord I am in trouble.
On the upside, I know...sort of...what to write for my homework. And thankfully it is a rough, rough draft so no need to be worries about perfection. Although I do tend to over think...which is when I start to shut down and wander. I like to think that I have an open mindset - okay with the idea of failing, but in the end I think that a good portion of my personality is fixed - I like to know that I am going to have some success or I shut down. I am really good at "hiding" from things until they get too big to ignore any more.
Damn dog. He's chewing at the rug again. It would be nice if he would relax and let me really work.
I, for some crazy reason, decided to add graduate classes to my list of things to do last summer. I am currently in semester 3 of this adventure, while still trying to finish a class from semester 2. Crazy, I know.
One of the tasks that we are to take on is a research project and a practice in autoethnography...which is basically doing research but including myself (the researcher) in within the fabric of the research and reporting. This goes against everything I have really ever learned about research. To me, research has always been cold, sterile, and remote. Now we are supposed to incorporate ourselves into the project and share how what we see/feel/think impacts the results.
As an ELA teacher, I can do this. As someone who is trained to separate myself from my research, I am struggling.
But one of the suggested exercises is to keep a journal. And since I basically start and end my day with sitting at the computer, I thought what better way to do this than to post on my blog...which hardly ever gets used anyway.
So here is entry #1. And maybe I should give some background.
My project is looking at the benefits of mindfulness practices in the middle school classroom. To complete this project I will teach some of my English 7 students mindfulness practices. There will be anonymous surveys administered to both sections of English 7 - one that is exposed to mindfulness and the other that experiences "normal" instruction (no mindfulness). I will keep a blog/journal to document my experience and reaction the process and help to process what I am seeing in the students.
Needless to say this is a bit daunting since I have never done anything quite like this before, but at the same time very excited to see what the results will be.
A little about me
I blog for fun, to get my thoughts in order. I am a mom to two frustrating and wonderful kids and one diva dog. My full-time gig is teacher and I do some side hustle with a few DS businesses. I love working with people...but I also value my alone time since in reality I'm a huge introvert.