I am trying. Really I am. But the holiday spirit is escaping me. I feel like so much of the holiday has turned into impressing others and giving presents that aren't really needed - or wanted.
Right now I am trying to just keep my head above water and I feel really bad just typing that because the holidays are supposed to be such a happy time of year. But that's sort of Hallmark's take, not necessarily mine.
Yes, I have my health and my family. I have a home and food. Everything is great, right? But what about all that other stuff? What about the stress and anxiety that creeps in; the feeling of not being enough or that I should have done better? What about the feelings of jealousy and angst that show up when I know I can't give as amazing of a gift as the next person...does that mean that I failed?
No. It doesn't mean failure. And those who I choose to celebrate Christmas with, well most of them, know that I put a lot of thought into the gifts, even if there wasn't a lot of money. But still I worry. Still I question myself.
Any why is it that even though my burdens are exactly the same right now as they were before Thanksgiving, their weight seems exponentially heavier? What is that all about?
A little about me
I blog for fun, to get my thoughts in order. I am a mom to two frustrating and wonderful kids and one diva dog. My full-time gig is teacher and I do some side hustle with a few DS businesses. I love working with people...but I also value my alone time since in reality I'm a huge introvert.