It is something we all love to hate. We need it. We want it. We crave it. We hate it.
There never seems to be enough. There are always too many bills. There is always something.
But a few of my friends remind me not to hate it...that even though there are ALWAYS bills to pay, I have the money to pay them. And even though there never seems to be any extra, we find the means to splurge on certain things.
But here's the deal. I am challenging myself to 30 days of only spending on the essentials. That means food, pet essentials, and maintenance stuff like gas, phone, etc.
The first two challenges I have to tackle are taxes (no, we have not gotten them done) and a budget (something that has always scared the hell out of me).
So here is to a successful day 1...Monday is a new beginning.
Yesterday I struggled to come up with a post. It seems like all of my idea strike when I am nowhere near a computer or paper. Or even my phone. Then when I sit down and attempt to flesh out an idea, creativity basically says "Screw you. You didn't want to work with me before, now you can bugger off."
So today I have a full day of running around a college campus at a writer's conference for students grades K-8, making sure the two kids assigned to me are where they are supposed to be. And what a more perfect opportunity to let the words spill onto the page than today?
In my last entry I mentioned that I knew I was standing in the way of my own success. I know it. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand this. I have friends and family and friends that are basically family supporting me. From ideas to purchases to quiet time to challenge groups, I have the resources I need in them. But what I don't have is the confidence in myself.
The last few days - okay more like last night and today - I have taken the time to listen to an audiobook that has been queued up for what seems like forever. Honestly, I have been listening to this book so long that I have no idea when I actually started it. The book is Big Magic and the author focuses on magic and creativity.
The whole concept of creativity being personified was a little crazy for me at first. But the more I listened, the more it made sense. Ideas are not going to stick around forever. They show up and if ignored, they find someone who will give them the time of day. Which is why Creativity basically says "forget you" when I set aside a writing idea until I have the time to focus on it. Let's face it - as a mom, teacher, business owner, and pet parent, there is no real "right time". Same with all of those grand crafting ideas that I have been hording and sitting on forever.
Do you know how many Pinterest ideas I have pinned and have never looked at a second time? It's almost embarrassing.
Then today the keynote speaker, Douglas Wood (yes, the author), talked about reaching for our dreams. He told the story about how the rabbit realized his dream to go to the moon and how the crane got long legs and a red crown. Then Wood talked about his own struggle to realize his simple dream of becoming a good reader. He struggled to learn to read, but with the help of his teacher, Ms. Little, he became a reader. Not the greatest or fastest reader, but a good reader who comprehends what he reads.
So what does Big Magic and Douglas Wood have in common? They both shared the message that you don't have to be perfect. Perfection is a bitch that leads you astray. Basically you need to say Bye Felicia to Perfection, give Creativity shotgun in the car, and ride with what you have. A violently executed plan today is better than a perfect plan executed never. Or something like that.
I think that is what my problem is. There aren't enough responses to posts or no one shows to my online parties or there is a mistake on a perfectly white canvas or comments never show up on my blogs or whatever. I MIGHT FAIL. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't start something.
But the reality is, there is one really good reason to start. Starting gives me freedom. Freedom to learn, freedom to fail, freedom to succeed, freedom to show my kids what the process looks like, freedom to be creative, freedom to be me.
Over the course of my life I have had some major realizations.
I tend to do a lot of reading. Being an English teacher it is one of the hazards of my job. =) I will get sucked into journals and blogs and books and whatever is in front of me.
But I struggle to write. There is so often that I read an article and I think "I can do that" but the reality is that I never do. I never seem to have the confidence to share what I think with those around me. I try to hard and then get deflated when no one responds.
This is an issue because the number one rule to writing (or creating for that matter) is to do it for yourself. If you enjoy what you are creating then it ultimately doesn't matter what others think. At least that's what I tell myself. I think the biggest challenge that I face is that ultimately I want to be a people pleaser and a helper. I want to make people happy and I really want to make a difference in their world. But that really shouldn't be my end.
So my New Year's Resolution (even though I really hate those) is to start creating for myself. For opening myself up to being creative for me. Hopefully, if I am able to stick with it and remain focused, I will gain a certain satisfaction in what I put out there and hone my skills a bit more.
A little about me
I blog for fun, to get my thoughts in order. I am a mom to two frustrating and wonderful kids and one diva dog. My full-time gig is teacher and I do some side hustle with a few DS businesses. I love working with people...but I also value my alone time since in reality I'm a huge introvert.